Independence Day

with all the snap crackle pop of the fireworks i feel like change is in the air. or at least i feel like it should be. things are not good. i am not happy. I'm stuck, but maybe theres a way out.. i just have to dare to take those first few steps and then start running without looking back. but i don't think i can do it. in situations such as mine, theres a lot of things you want to hold on to. everything tangible that is left. but upon further analysis those things aren't proving to be the best for me. healthy for me. satisfying for me. i want it all to go back to the way it was way back when..in the not too distant past. but i don't know if thats possible anymore. I'm weighed down like a rock that someone just wants to toss into the ocean anyway, without even noticing its luster. as if things couldn't get any worse.. they do. 

whatever plan the universe has laid out for me.. is truly a macabre masterpiece. or some shit like that.

i for an i

i miss those days
when i carried you
and when he'd still say
"i want to Marry you!"
but those days are long gone
and far behind.

i lack those times
that will never be
like reading you books
and hearing the word "Mommy"

Lord help me if THIS
will be the Death of Me
i should just move on
and hope for
an Eye
for an Eye.

In the Light of Mourning...

so,

even though we just

took a trip

we have a 

rocky-road-blocked

Relationship.

is a kiss still a kiss

after your Rose ceases to exist?

i'd like to enlist 

a pacifistic view on things

but its so hard to sit in 

and fester

when the wounds will 

always STING...