sick sick sick

I'm feeling sick
im forgetting how to eat
a salad a day makes me feel complete
i do remember how to lay on the floor
and want to abandon all thought and all pain
i wake up each morning and wish
my life wasn't the same.

i feel like I'm stuck in the movie groundhogs day
i can do whatever and say whatever and make whatever
but i always wake up again into the same day
nothing changes
nothings grows
just me and a pile of yarn
the only way i know days have passed
is in the creations that i make
marking the days
marking the moments
of my life, incomplete.

how do my feet still work? i often wonder
how do i function?
lately i feel a breakdown on the horizon
the Fall is drawing near

Vylette would be 1 year
her fate made much more clear
and then the years start to pile on more and more
until I'm frail and old and still missing my precious baby.
but spending allll those years creating beauty in her name
and telling her story of how she was wronged.
these women CANNOT go on.
this center simply CANNOT be.
no real love for women.
no real care for Mommies.

Babies need a louder voice
since they cannot speak for themselves
i will Gladly be one.
----------

i hope they haunt you in your dreams with their Sweet Angelic-ness
something YOU, yes YOU, could never POSESS
a "Midwife" to the masses, but a complete and utter MESS
may your guilt eat you ALIVE. may your misery PROGRESS.