Independence Day

with all the snap crackle pop of the fireworks i feel like change is in the air. or at least i feel like it should be. things are not good. i am not happy. I'm stuck, but maybe theres a way out.. i just have to dare to take those first few steps and then start running without looking back. but i don't think i can do it. in situations such as mine, theres a lot of things you want to hold on to. everything tangible that is left. but upon further analysis those things aren't proving to be the best for me. healthy for me. satisfying for me. i want it all to go back to the way it was way back when..in the not too distant past. but i don't know if thats possible anymore. I'm weighed down like a rock that someone just wants to toss into the ocean anyway, without even noticing its luster. as if things couldn't get any worse.. they do. 

whatever plan the universe has laid out for me.. is truly a macabre masterpiece. or some shit like that.

A Night like this...

tonight is a New Moon. i got my period today. when my cycle aligns with a Moon phase I'm always so honoured. i asked the sky why they took Her from me and heard nothing. all i saw was a little star, a bright one, so far away in the distance...  it just said "Hello:)", so i spoke to it for a little while. i spoke to Her and i realized, She was in my womb safe and warm. She was nourished by my food, my thoughts, and my words the whole time. my surroundings were Hers and not always the exact, or anywhere near! exact way i wanted them to be. Now look at me sitting here on my porch... waiting, growing, reacting to my environment(for the most part a completely shitty one) yet held safe and protected by the sky(i hope) and in Her Womb; The Earth. i reside in Her. She looks down on Me now and nurtures Me instead. i grow inside Her Womb now. Amazing! I've changed. Im changing and i hope for  a better future and a more positive direction. because i never knew just where the hell i was going. but with Her i did. without Her i'm more lost than ever. . . as i squat down and pick up the pieces i look to the Sky, i look for the Moon, i ask for protection, a serene direction.. and for something much more than this...